bEckA

2012-01-24T02:21:00.002+08:00

Treat your girl right, bro. Plain and simple.

I know it can be hard to please her sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end. Remember that she’s your happiness, your world. She should be the first person you talk to in the morning, and the last person you whisper “Good night” to. Unlike some of your bros, she’s going to be there for you when you’re the happiest, but more importantly, when you’re at your lowest. She’ll cook for you and care for you, so treat her like a queen. Girls are delicate creatures. Think before you say. Think before you act. They take every little mistake you make and multiply it by a thousand. So try not to mess up, aight? When you’re fighting, sometimes it’s better to put your relationship before your own pride. You’re not helping yourself by making her upset, bro. And never, ever, under any condition, let her go to sleep crying. She’ll resent you for it for the rest of your days. Don’t forget to make her feel special everyday. Open doors, go shopping with her. Hell, make dinner for her! The more you show her you love her, the more she’ll give you in return. Remember that an “I love you” via text is never as special as one in person. And show her off to your bros, don’t be ashamed of her. She’s never been ashamed of your dorky ass. Look, she doesn’t really need much in a relationship; she just wants to feel like she matters to you. That’s not asking for much, bro.
But if you haven’t learned a thing from reading this, remember this. Love her unconditionally, loyally, and keep her close. Love her with everything you’ve got: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because I swear, if you won’t treat your girl right, someone else definitely will.

because when u ask me if i will ever leave u, my condition was , "no, unless u don't treat me right"

yes, that's all that i asked for, but i couldn't feel it, no matter how hard u seem to try. i don't know why. actions speak louder than words, and your actions just didn't speak loud enough. i gave my 100% and i have to let go, because the relationship has become so unhealthy for me. I don't want to compare the sacrifices we made for each other to maintain this relationship, but i feel shortchanged in this relationship. I once promised you to have this as our common goal: you graduating from uni successfully. and i didn't mind that we had less Skype sessions as long as we communicate via whatsapp, as long as i get a response. things seemed to be going well, we didn't quarrel anymore, because I understood you need time to study, and i gave you space for that. but our conversations were going nowhere. and i got upset that you were spending more time studying with your female friends than talking to me. i was stupid to believe that you were busy with school even though i had my suspicions. stupid enough to trust you, because you would alway ask me to trust you and place so much emphasize on the word "trust" in a relationship. til today, i still feel betrayed. that very day when i agreed to patch with you, i told you that if you did anything wrong against me, i will definitely break up. if i allowed myself to continue in this relationship while you continue to be unable to treat me right, i would be unable to forgive myself. so there is no regrets for this break up, i just find it sad that this relationship didn't go the way i expected despite so many chances. up til now there hasn't been a day that i cry my heart out since our breakup, maybe because my heart feels there isn't much to cry about over such a guy.

still, i miss the lovely moments of that tender look in your eyes, you trying to catch a glimpse of me or giving me a wink when you're occupied with something else. when you only have me in your eyes. moments in the car when i pat you on the head while you drive. sharing my happy and sad moments with you.

as much as i believe there was something special between us, it was only special when i thought there was just the two of us. special when i thought you would be a faithful man.

i guess i over invested in this relationship and it gave me a burnout. while i really want to feel in love again soon, i have doubts over myself and i'm hesitant. this guy was tested many times and i thought i had finally picked the right man. i know i will only put in 100% in a relationship and i can't accept someone who can't give me his 100%. i guess it is very difficult to find such a match.

it's almost a week after our break up. i thought i would be able to move on smoothly, but i guess it's not that easy after all. this long weekend cny break magnifies the loneliness i'm feeling, and i actually anticipate going back to work to occupy myself and get satisfaction and appreciation from work. as the days pass, i get more pangs of loneliness, longing, sadness and anger. But as what Ms Tan says, these are normal and the relapses of these emotions will increase and one day i will recall and no longer hurt.

i wish there was a song that can express how i really feel, unfortunately i still have't found it.

may i find my true love soon.

2011-11-12T23:10:00.003+08:00

Its almost half a year since i last blogged!

the last time i blogged here, i wrote of my heart ache.... but i'm now very happy with Ben and looking forward to see him again on Dec 12 in London!

My heart is feeling discomfort in another way though... feeling very oppressed by my boss, and it makes me doubt my capabilities. It really makes me wonder, am I that lousy to be treated in this manner? but I don't get that shit from my direct supervisor. If i'm that bad, my direct supervisor would be the first to want to get rid of me right? We can all roughly tell how horrible my boss's character is. But I still can't help wondering why things are this way. No, I do not angkat bolah to my boss at all. Is that why things are like that? I even have a slight phobia of looking for another job, in fear that I will still get such treatment from future employers even when I change job. And then, I wonder if this has got to do with my "general luck", like when something too good happens to me, it will be "balanced" out with more shitty stuff. Yea, i sound ridiculous, but somehow I just feel like i'm just jinxed. like i just don't deserve to have good things happening to me, so I just get more shit. sigh.

not easy to pick myself up in this kind of low. need to constantly remind myself that I am deserving of good stuff, that God is still watching me, and He will not allow me to handle something more than I can bear. Or maybe this is all happening in God's plan to bring out the best in me, to shake me up, allow myself to grow stronger and stop being in my comfort zone. I'm definitely not in my comfort zone now. Worrying about securing a job and financing my studies with such a tight deadline is not easy. And it's not like I can really afford a 3 week vacation now.

Remember I was in a bad state just a few months back, but I found my way through and now I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I just need enlightenment and strength in my heart to get by this. I have to be brave! with friends like Ashley and Miguel who are really encouraging, do I really need to ask for more?

all this shit will end in Dec, and i'm gonna end the year with a bang!

Jiayou Becka!

2011-05-31T00:27:00.003+08:00

just the song for me to end my day. cry it out and just let it go. and be brave.

這首歌說明人的內心~對愛情的期盼&猶豫，當對愛情失去信心又該如何從新拾起，孤單很安全但也黑暗，人生就是一段一段不斷在轉換，只有勇敢，順其自然，才能真實的擁有"真愛"!!

從很早就明白我討厭孤單就算是談情感有許多麻煩也還是很嚮往愛的人來作伴太衝動的結果反而一片混亂更心酸更孤單失戀過才明白相處有多難誰粗心誰敏感誰體貼誰獨斷誰說出了期盼誰覺得是批判當爭吵都變成冷戰也讓情感被切斷我只能勇敢學習釋然把情人的淚還有責備全部承擔從不習慣對曾經熾熱的愛情分手就冷淡我只能勇敢順其自然誰叫我對於真愛那麼期盼不想要關住了自己安全但卻太黑暗幸福過才明白要永恆多夢幻這一秒的美好下一刻就暗淡問再多為什麼也不會有答案但心裡很清楚以後有更多無解的遺憾我只能勇敢學習釋然把離別的苦思念的酸都看淡人總要習慣生命就是一站一站不斷在轉換我只能勇敢順其自然誰叫我寧願浪漫不要平淡不投入盛大煙火表演沒有危險但也不燦爛不怕愛情苦樂都極端

2011-03-11T14:33:00.001+08:00

FUNNY TO THE MAX!!

becka said (2:07 PM):
dear... read this..
我们只有一个地球，所以你要爱护地球；地球上只有一个我，所以你也要爱护我!
Ben says (2:29 PM):
nice phrase
v meaningful
becka says (2:31 PM):
u know wat it means?
translate...
Ben says (2:34 PM):
we r a football, so i must love and protect the football, the football only got me, so i must also love and protect u
i m sure i got this
becka says (2:35 PM):
地球 IS EARTH!!!!!
y wld i wanna protect football?!?!!?!
Ben says (2:37 PM):
opps
but i got everything right?
becka says (2:39 PM):
y u nv tink how come football only got me?
doesnt tt sound weird?
Ben says (2:40 PM):
i nvr thought of that
because got the word ball, so i thought football
becka says (2:40 PM):
can i put this on fb???

2011-03-06T23:30:00.009+08:00

i havent done a photo blog entry in a long time but i snapped many photos today so i'm gonna do one!

i had a really fun day today, despite the thunderstorm!

mig asked us out to fly kite cos Tine has some "kite-flying" project to do. so it was work for her but R&R for the rest of us!

met up with gk, xy n kel for lunch first at downtown east. Magic Wok! i remember when we were in secondary school we always had lunch at whitesand's Magic wok after class ended! i had thai pineapple fried rice and when they served my dish, we were kinda disappointed cos they use to serve the rice in a pineapple. this time, it was just served on a plate.

it started to rain when we were at downtown east, but the rain stopped after our lunch. which was a good thing. then migtine came in time and we went NTUC to buy our goodies for the picnic. i like to shop at supermarkets! i bought 6 kinder buenos for $5.95! so cheap! :D

made our way to pasir ris beach and found ourselves a nice and big pavilion just in case it rained. so ya, it rained again after we settled down muching our biscuits and fries from popeyes.

the rain got heavier and heavier and we ended up like this....

it seriously looks hilarious and the situation was! it was like, everybody, take cover!!!!! and Mig was started his army stories again, how he ate biscuits in the rain when he was outfield etc...

see, we all got drenched.

but we continued to enjoy ourselves. the best part was none of us pulled a black face and we laughed all about it. a bottle of wine to help keep us warm! we had a caucasian couple who joined us in the pavilion and the guys were damn nice to offer them a glass of wine too! well, the lady was in a white loose t shirt, completely drench and revealing her pink bra which was hugging her voluptious boobs! wah lao, i feel like i just wrote porn. anyway, that's gk posing with the bottle of merlot.

after the storm was over, we got to take out the kite that Tine made. opppps. i forgot to take a photo of her handmade kite. she spent 9 hours painting it. from 2pm to 11pm. wow.

and this is Mig trying to get the kite to fly.

and cos the rain was so heavy earlier, these creepy crawlies had to get out of their flooded homes to drier lands. so many of them! reminds me of my younger days when i would catch all these earthworms for my baby chicks! it's especially easy after a heavy rain, just scoop up these crawlies. hahhahhaaa. if not i would have to dig the soil and hunt for them...

so then i began to play with Ben's camera and take more pictures.

i think this photo below is very amusing. the rubbish bin!!!! hahahahah

and lastly, my wonderful companions of the day!

i can't quite recognise myself in the last photo. i look sooo different and they were saying they couldn't recognise its me from my backview. lol. i think i look malnutritioned! blah.

2011-02-23T14:58:00.001+08:00

my hair stinks. cos we had lunch at a claypot restaurant.

i'm craving for snake now, so i decided to write a blog entry. super sleepyyyyyyyyyy.

i'm on 1 woman show today which is tiring.

i don't understand how hacking works. My office website was hacked... but it's ok now. the web designer says it has nothing to do with obtaining our password. i don't understand.....

Can someone advise what i should do with the tagboard? it's getting spammed like nobody's business!

2011-02-16T17:32:00.000+08:00

been having cramps since 1pm. and i can't wait to pang kang!!!

not so nice V day. but it's ok. every day else is a better V day cos i skype with Ben on "every day else".

saw a note on FB about relationships and LOVE which is very meaningful. the gist of it - Love is friendship on fire. warms my heart to see that my relationship with Ben is the best scenario described in the long essay.

Enjoy the read!

Confessions of love (THIS IS EPIC LONG BUT HAS BEEN SUMMARIZED ALREADY)
.by Maurice Bay on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:52am.

READ ALOUD FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT.

You and I, must make a pact. We must bring salvation back.

With Valentine's day just around the corner, there just couldn't be a more appropriate time to write about this. This note is inspired by the numerous recent conversations that I've been having with various people and I hope that it would be a blessing to all of you. Please please correct me if your views aren't accurately represented.

zhen long: "forgive me for my pessimistic view but for many couples these days, it's all about the short term mutual benefits instead of going the distance. these benefits could be emotional, monetary, social status etc. but they've unknowingly taken the romance out of it."

As practical and inhumane as it sounds, he's probably right. We need love and affirmation, we want emotional support, we want to stop feeling lonely and it would be EVEN MORE awesome if someone drives me around. There's really nothing wrong with wanting all these. But many couples are so obsessed and in pursuit of these benefits that when these benefits break down, so does the relationship.

The truth is, these benefits shouldn't be pursued and are in actual fact, fruits of the perfect relationship that should instead, be pursued! I am FOR relationships, FOR its reason and purpose. Love and affirmation to calm a raging heart, emotional support for the down and upset, someone awesome that you want to shout about and display for the world to see.

But these are the fruits and outcomes of pursuing the relationship. If you pursue the fruit, many times the focus is wrong and when the tree is barren, you chop the tree. Grapevines are barren for long periods before they finally produce plentifully. But if your focus is on the tree, the fruits will follow suit effortlessly.

Take the typical LDR breakup for example. Boy+Girl can no longer provide each other with the benefits and the relationship ends. This could turn out very differently if both parties were relationship-centred instead of benefit-centred. True love always gives. It is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking. When the guy becomes a pauper, or the girl becomes ugly vice versa, does the love stop there and then?

*note: this is not to encourage girls to go ahead and keep asking: "will you still love me if i become fat and ugly?"*

The focus of true love should never be the self (what i stand to gain) but about the other party (what I can give).

Ok, so the million dollar question is this. "How do I know if I'm in the 'perfect' relationship that should be pursued and not the mutual benefits one?" It is many times easy to insist that: "aiyah. that one is other people lah. i am in this for love." But how do I really know for sure? Martha purports that: "love is blind. when you're in love, everything is suited to perfection," and that "it is ONLY on hindsight that we realize that we were blinded and should have known better." So how do we know better?

First and foremost, are you ready for the perfect relationship. Chongyang suggests that: "some people are not ready and don't know what they want." I couldn't agree more. We ALWAYS think that we're ready, here and now. Take the following for example:

Girl A: "So now you ready anot?"
Girl B: "CONFIRM ready. now different already hehehehe."
Girl A: "Last time you also say confirm."
Girl B: "last time i like korean guys hehehe. now different.
Girl A: "so what's different now?"
Girl B: "now grow up and matured already. now i like the ah beng pia zui style."

So the moral of the story is that we ALWAYS think we're ready. In sec 1 we say that we weren't ready in primary 6. In JC we insist that we weren't ready in secondary school but the TIME HAS COME. HERE is the truth. if you're looking for the perfect happy-ending relationship and you're 17, you're probably not ready. really. I've actually seen it happen and it can still happen. That's why i added probably into the sentence. But the truth is, 99.1875% of them all don't make it and wished it hadn't happened.

It isn't exactly about a specific age like "waitformy21stwaitformy21st. I'm 21! I can think now!" but make a conscious effort to be wary about the level of maturity of your thinking. If your expectations of the relationship relates too much to a Korean drama, e.g. the guy must fall sick, lose his memory, then you bring him to the places you've been before, but he doesn't remember anything, he falls in love with your bff but eventually remembers you on his wedding day etc, chances are you need to wait slightly longer.

The main problem is that SOMETIMES we don't know better when we were young. When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I know better now. My friends were worse they wanted to be soldiers lol. they REALLY hated the SAF.

That was the first litmus test of depth and maturity of thinking or knowing for sure what you want. The next test is again pretty similar. How do I know whether or not I'm pursuing the perfect relationship? This test is about whether you're ready to go the distance. If you don't see yourself with the other person in even a couple of years time, you ought to start planning your exit strategy.

Sometimes we insist to ourselves, "aiyah I never think so far lah," and living in the present can sometimes be an option. But the truth is, the best-loving-longest-lasting couples that I know about, always have the end in mind. Theirs isn't a love that's built on attraction or benefits, theirs is a love that's built on a friendship on fire. Chongyang insists that: "It becomes less about the things you do together, but more about the time spent together." If this relationship isn't gonna last, 长痛不如短痛. Would you ever sacrifice short-term happiness for prolonged long term happiness? Its easy to say we won't but then again, I always (with every good intention) say: "I'm going for a run tonight. really. "

I've spoken/adviced/counselled countless people over the years with relationship problems, with broken hearts, with anxieties and insecurities etc. And sometimes the main reason why their situations are far from ideal is that they havent found the right person. Either that or they're believing in the wrong stuff.

You see when your heart hasn't found the right person, you'll always feel unrest. Or sometimes it isn't even an outright feeling of unrest, its just that after you've found the missing element, you finally realize the overwhelming peace that you never had before. To quote Westlife: "And when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, you're Flying without Wings."

That peace is the same peace that tells you, this. relationship. is. going. to. last. That was my experience with God and the shalom peace that comes with knowing God is really really awesome. When something/someone is right for you, you really know for sure. Or you could say its really like the snake game. If you know, you know. If you don't know, you don't know.. And if you're not sure, you also don't know. So all you single folks, don't stop, believing. Hold on to that feeling. Have faith that you'll find the right person and when you've found that peace/shalom, you WILL know for sure. Keep searching and keep believing.

LASTLY, about believing the wrong stuff, this is what the world wants to tell you: "Relationships are do, do, do. Strive, strive, strive. Effort, effort, effort." Here's what i always hear: "The first two years ah... is what's called the honeymoon period. After that its all gritted teeth, fists clenched commitment. Love is 10%, commitment is 90%." Isn't that sad? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its 100% love and 0% commitment. Her fart smells like perfume to me, she stays awake just to hear me breathing. But sometimes when two people weren't meant to be, the path isn't as easy. But when you've found the right person, love overcomes all things and it becomes more effortless than it should be.

The Endpoint: 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I've seen during a hospital attachment in CGH, an old lady in her eighties arriving in an ambulance with her husband and maid in tow. If I don't recall wrongly, she had broken one of her limbs during a fall and the paramedics were rushing her on the stretcher to the A&E. I think Peck, Nelson and I were there. But as they were pushing her, the old man came 'running' (inverted commas because quite slow HAHA) from behind calling out for his wife. The paramedics however, very urgently and professionally ignored him as they wheeled her to A&E. Still, the old man persisted and kept hollering from behind and they came to an abrupt stop. When he eventually caught up, he slipped a pillow under her and said in dialect something along the likes of: "Here, your favourite pillow. I'll be waiting outside." I totally went woah.

And I hope that all of you will have/find endpoints similar to this.

Love really is, friendship on fire.

2011-01-19T17:31:00.002+08:00

ten more minutes and i get to knock off from work!

skiving now!

haven't blogged for so long! belated wishes, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! and in advance, Happy Chinese New Year & Happy Valentine's Day!

LOL.

ever since Ben came back, i almost disappeared from cyber space. i'm almost only online when i'm at work. i remember all that anxiety on the day he was gonna touch down in singapore. Auntie whatsapped me to tell me what time to meet. I made poached apple that night and bought Royce at Raffles City the day before. I dressed up early so i wouldn't be late. and tried not to be so shy when i got into his dad's car.

then the 3 weeks passed so FAST! even my mum said that this time he wasn't around to try her cooking. She only cooks on Sundays and both Sundays we were out and busy. no quarrels this time, and a lot more loving. :D met more people with all the gatherings organised for the festive season. i like to hao lian my boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHAA! we double date with his parents twice! the first was at Samy's Curry @ Dempsey and a walk at Botanic Garden on the first Sunday he was back, second was at Tatsuya @ Goodwood Park on the last day of the year! what a meal to end the year with! :D

we did jigsaw puzzle together, a 300 hundred piece. i'll post a photo up when i've hung it on my wall. we did so manyyyy things tog. yayyy.

ok time to pangkang! will continue another day!

:D

i love you ben loy!

2010-12-10T17:08:00.001+08:00

so bored at work. and i'm sooo excited about Monday! after i finish this half hour at work, time will pass even faster over the weekend and by then I'll get to see Ben!

I read Xiaxue's blog and saw the love letter that her husband wrote to her. Super sweet! I showed Ben and he said, he had similar sentiments in some of the paragraphs. like what flashed his mind before he asked me to be his gf and "it was no easy task getting u too!" LOL.

superrrrr excited! can't believe time pass so fast, even though the wait seemed sooo long. and it's gonna be our 1 year v soon! n many more years to come. :D

so many things i wanna do with Ben. took a total of 6 days leave (need to clear leave also) and i'm sure we're gonna have a v good time! :D

2010-10-17T16:19:00.002+08:00

watching ISWAK It Started with A Kiss again. their soundtracks are sooo good! i tried watching the korean version of ISWAK, but i don't find it fantastic, so i youtubed the Taiwan's version. Taiwan's version of the rain scene is still the best!!!!

sorry, couldn't find the english subtitled version of this episode. blahhh..

reminds me of the days where Trisha, Eve, Ju and I go all crazy over Jiang Zhi Shu. hahhahaa.

2010-10-17T15:27:00.002+08:00

attended Evelyn & Yong Kiat's wedding yesterday, and i'm still in the mood for love songs. was in Chris's car on the way home and they were playing a cd, sung by Lorraine Tan, a local singer who writes and composes songs specially for wedding couples. Super sweet! love the lyrics! there are even songs that are tribute for the couples' parents in the cd. i think it's really sweet.

in the car, Valen also told me for her wedding they'll have a montage for their parents. i think i wanna have something like that for my parents as well on my wedding day! can't wait to go for Valen's wedding next month!

2010-10-11T12:39:00.002+08:00

yesterday was a super happening day.

it was 10/10/10.

met Cyn, Seok and Yahui for brunch, more like lunch. We ended up at Paragon's Canele instead of Wild Honey. and went shopping after that.

drumrolls... i've a Miu Miu wallet now!!!

very happy, but very guilty about it. haaaaaaaa.

my first birthday present from my dearest boyfriend. yayyyy :D

then went to catch the movie Buried with Steven and Edwin Lee. a super depressing movie. I ended up crying... and wishing Ben was right by my side. 'cos life is really unpredictable.

i feel that i'm the luckiest girl on earth!!

2010-10-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

today Ben told me something which was the best thing i ever heard today.

Ben says (3:14 PM):
loving u is like that mah
understanding u and going through how u feel
Ben says (3:15 PM):
it's deserving lah

this is what i call LOVE. yayyyyy! :D

2010-09-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

i found out today that i lived most of my life a very naive and too-trusting girl.

and I have probably only one friend who has ever mentioned that to me IN THE FACE. so yeah, i knew i was naive, but didn't know how naive i was, until today. sigh.

i feel a lil sad, disgusted and demoralised with the world that I don't wish to know, and yes, this is the familiar feeling i had from time to time when i was blogging my 2008 & 2009 entries. recalling these memories ain't happy. I guess I've learnt a fair bit after these 2 years. Thankfully I know when to not compromise, else i would have paid a bigger price, whatever that may be.

It's been a while since i felt like this. Guess Ben really takes all the horrible feelings away and makes me treasure him more!

digressing here, i love Adam Lambert's music but watching him perform is quite an eyesore for me. i still have something against gays. aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

2010-09-27T18:07:00.005+08:00

Every working day of the 6 weeks that Ben was back, he met me for lunch, and picked me up from work. Always wanting to be there for me, make me smile, saving me from the mother-daughter duo, indulging me in delicacies, pampering me and giving me hope. I feel the bliss.

For the past week that he got back in US, i started to think negatively and created a whole lot of unnecessary stress (coupled with those from work) for the both of us. He has to deal with my temper, all my what-ifs, my selfish and unreasonable thoughts, my hurtful words and also dry my tears. Sometimes i get oblivious to all his efforts to give me his best. Only when i feel his pain, my heart aches and softens. :( I think i have a lot to learn from him about how to love.

I'm very glad we inched every gap, cleared every doubt, and caused each other to realise how much we love each other. I won't ever let you go.

I <3 you, Benjamin Loy Ming Yang!

2010-09-24T19:06:00.001+08:00

a song by Elva which is inspiring and gives me hope.

梦境

梦境在于现实那之间不过就这一眨眼
我依然会眷恋那阖眼间那种香甜
那滋味直到遇见你才发觉
感受了以后就会像我无悔无求期望
尝试过甜
在这么快感之中亢奋与疲倦交错

我的梦境编织的很童话
也许外面世界异常抽象
现实假象 i'm
not afraid
面对得以想象
我的现实写满着戏剧化
穿梭在笼里看外缺口中
真真假假 i'm
not afraid
献上你的美

每天我茫游在人和人之间
幻想真正的自由就在身边
想做什么就做有他就够
那滋味遇到你才发觉
感受了以后就会像我
无悔无求期望尝试过甜
在这么快感之中亢奋与疲倦交错
有时我分不清楚 dream o
r dont be afraid
我的梦境编织的很童话
也许外面世界异常抽象
现实假象 i'm
not afraid
面对得以想象
我的现实写满着戏剧化
穿梭在笼里看外缺口中
真真假假 i'm
not afraid
献上你的美
玻璃屋里树秧梦境中的茁壮
想要往外发芽长大

让现实如梦境继续让你美丽
感谢你给我呼吸的真理

我的梦境编织的很童话
也许外面世界异常抽象
现实假象 i'm
not afraid
面对得以想象
我的现实写满着戏剧化
穿梭在笼里看外缺口中
真真假假 i'm
not afraid
献上你的美
我的梦境编织的很童话
也许外面世界异常抽象
现实假象 i'm
not afraid
面对得以想象
我的现实写满着戏剧化
穿梭在笼里看外缺口中
真真假假 i'm
not afraid
献上你的美

2010-09-19T21:32:00.002+08:00

Ben took the morning flight today.

I didn't cry, or feel terribly sad. i'm surprised how strong i can be. but i think it's only because Ben always makes me feel assured at all times, so i don't feel far from him. Before we left the house, he did something which kinda blew me off (in a good way). Dear, even though i keep joking about it, but i am very touched. I love u!

uploaded our photos just now. and it's back to boring weekends. i was bored to the max this afternoon. there's no housework to do cos the maid is here with my baby cousin, and she did all the housework... but they're leaving tonight. junxi was a good boy in the afternoon, but after my mum came home, he became naughtier! haiyo.

i'm bored of blogging. just wanted to use this space to say i feel very touched by what Ben did!

2010-09-09T10:53:00.002+08:00

i'm talking to cynthia now about eating at Shangri La. yes, it's a 4 day work week, and i'm on slacking mood! no mood to do work!

BUT. when i think of food nowadays, i think of TATSUYA!

:(

2010-08-18T15:41:00.003+08:00

it's been a week plus since Ben is back. :D we enjoy each other's company every day but it never seems enough. booohoooo.

2010-08-18T15:35:00.001+08:00

becka says (3:34 PM):
my colleague's fb
Desmond Ng is a toilet bowl cuz life is full of shit..
HAHAAHAHHAHAAA
*The.Little.Prince.* says (3:34 PM):
lol
eh funny!
*The.Little.Prince.* says (3:35 PM):
i tink it describe me best now leh
becka says (3:35 PM):
Desmond Ng 我要做硬肚人！( Note: Not ABNN)
cos he drink alot....
abnn = ah bu neh neh
becka says (3:38 PM):
when i see u, rem to show me e flush button
i help u flush
hahahhahahahahahaa

2010-07-27T19:01:00.001+08:00

i AM envious of girls who have sisters turned best friends.

2010-07-25T22:19:00.003+08:00

i just had a great weekend, minus the i-am-moody-cos-i-miss-ben syndrome.

Tine booked me 2 weeks in advance to celebrate her bday. she booked a room at Hotel Michael, RWS. i was quite excited for it. then when i got to know that only migtine, n gk+gf is going, i got quite sian.... ha. but the 2d1n turned out well. :)

while waiting for our table at Chilli's, we went to World of Hershey's! wah, the stuff they sell there, is damn cool. they have extra huge Kisses which looks like SHIT! HAHAHAHHAA ok, so dinner at Chilli's was fantastic, the food was great! yummyyyy. Strawberry Mango Mageritas, Fajitas Trio, Triple Play, and Chipotle Chicken crispers(sorry, the name of this dish is freaking long, can't remember!) while we were having dinner, Xinyi said to buy the popcorn from shit-i-cannot-remember-where-again which closes at 10pm. so we left the dinner table to buy popcorns! too bad, the sweet flavours were sold out, only left with cheese. but the cheese is good too!

after dinner, we went walking around, n saw people filming for the national day parade. interesting... and we went to Live Wire, where they had all the sports betting going on. mig n i played the Scratch It. quite fun! but i only bought 4 coupons. won $2, then lost $2. haaaa. mig lost $1 only. haha! went back to the hotel, and i skyped with ben while they took turns to wash up. the hotel had Wifi, but it was chargeable. damn ex ah. 1 hr $5++. Mig was damn nice to let me use his data usage, good thing i didn't use a lot. but 3G was damn laggy also. hur hur. i was the first to KO. and i remember i used to tell Miguel, "where got people go chalet to sleep one?" LOL. but i really couldn't last the night, especially when i was gonna fall sick. boohooo. old already.

the next day, we had breakfast b4 we checked out. then we went around the place, and took photos. i'm waiting for mig n gk to post up the pics!

gosh, i've been soo emotional for the past few weeks. cry here, cry there. i remember talking to Linda about Ben on the train and i said i was being such a sticky girlfriend, she said on the day i send Ben back, i'll definitely cry very terribly, then i started to cry right there on the train!!! and get agitated easily by the two bloodsuckers. :( and it seems so easy for me to feel lonely. but i know Dear has alwaysssss been trying his best so that i wun feel like he's far away. he'll always tell me i can call him anytime, even when he's sleeping etc. always assure me that he'll be there for me, always cheer me up when i dun feel ok, always make my heart melt... 13 more days til i see him! and i guess it makes us miss each other more. its like, so near yet so far kinda feeling.

2010-07-16T11:20:00.001+08:00

life sucks when i've a Debra to deal with at work, and a Joy (what an irony!) to deal with at home. and both of them really suck! literally suck life out of me!

can't wait for August then i don't have to go straight home after work (to skype) and face another bloodsucker after a long day at work!

2010-07-14T18:32:00.002+08:00

i can't believe what happened today.

something's wrong with me.

i told ben i'll call him during lunch and when he said he'll be going for dinner soon, i was soooo sad i could literally feel my heart ache. :(

and i'm more short tempered now.

it must be the stress at work.

:(

2010-06-28T18:17:00.002+08:00

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

My favourite girl from Lee & Lee got hitched not too long ago in February! so happy for her! and she looked super gorgeous! i always think she's very pretty when i see her in office. hahaha.

2010-06-23T11:04:00.001+08:00

becka says (10:54 AM):
maybeeee
iT'S AlWaeS a miRaCle for yOu aSh! says (10:54 AM):
eh u every week gt prob one
becka says (10:54 AM):
ya
i damn sad

Ben says (10:56 AM):
what problem are you having darling?
becka says (10:56 AM):
headache, gastric, den swollen eye
haha
Ben says (10:57 AM):
hahaahaha
i thought what happened sia
becka says (10:57 AM):
wat can happen sia? if i bad mood, u will send flowers leh...
Ben says (10:57 AM):
hahahaah
ok lah, i wun send liao lah

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHA

2010-06-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

busy busy busy.

work is :( :( :( .

sian.

as usual, i miss ben.

anywaysssss, batam trip is confirmed! but i haven't applied for leave yet. hope boss will approve.

Jiayou becka!!!!!!

2010-05-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

78 days to Aug 9! :D

the weather is so hot lah. after staying in my aircon room for about an hour, i went to the kitchen to make myself orange juice, and i swear, wah lao eh, i could feel the heat on my back.

haven't stepped out of the house today. skyped with ben til 4.30pm, and lazed around til 6 before i took my bath and did some packing for my room. my typical weekend. HAHA.

went for supper with Mag late last night at Rabins at Arab Street. the place has nice ambience! good girly catch up session! :)

i completed watching the korean drama, Personal Preference. Lee Min Ho so handsome! Catching another drama, Moon Lovers, starring Lin Chi-ling and Takuya Kimura. :D but it's a Jap drama. i seldom watch Jap dramas. only watching it for the sake of Lin Chi-ling. 35 yrs old, still so pretty. wow.

k i gtg to bed liao. sleep early and prepare to fight battle for the week.

oh man, reminds me, i had a nightmare this morning! i dreamt there was a massacre in Pasir Ris. but i survived it. it was scary and so damn real.

Ben is asleep now... I miss him lah. the man who makes me smile anytime, anywhere. :D

omg. i'm so hungry now..........

2010-05-12T22:09:00.002+08:00

i'm hungry!!!

but i don't know what to eat! i miss coming home to home-cooked food! :(

i think it's gonna rain very heavily soon.

this morning, i got off the bus and was smiling to myself, thinking that it's less than 3 months to August 9. YAY! i used to think that life from May til August might get a lil boring cos there's no big events. but at the rate of busyness at work now, time can pass faster.

ok, i smell rain now!

2010-04-14T15:39:00.004+08:00

ben is so sweet! he sent me a bouquet of roses! and it's called Lush Blush, which he chose probably cos it reminds him of me - sometimes i can get very shy. but i'm not that shy on my blog. HAHAHAHAHAHA. the first thing i'll do when i get home is to smell the roses! :D

and a song "All My Loving" by The Beatles. old school. his style. ahhahahahahhaa. nice & simple lyrics though!

i finished watching Titanic this afternoon during lunch. no, i didn't spend the whole morning watching it in office. HAHA. watched it while travelling from work and to work on my iPod! Rose is so brave to love like that!

2010-04-10T22:01:00.002+08:00

yes i'm struggling. and i'm reminding myself not to let self-pity get the better of me. and it's not helping that i get phone calls asking why i'm not there. and i wonder why i'm going along with the act and make myself seem like the bad guy here. if they were responsible people enough, they would have just acted as if nothing is wrong and be normal. what's more, the more important ceremony has already taken place and if they're just doing this for the sake of this world they're living in (their parents, family and friends), then all the more i should be there! stupid or what. or maybe they just wanna make me feel really left out, like it's my punishment. i need some enlightenment here. they are really stupid people with warped mindsets. so much for "no compromising". i laugh.

i shouldn't feel sad for myself, but i just can't help the tears. well, the consolation is that at least i'm human to be FEELING something. i feel sorry for myself that i had to intentionally hide myself in a corner so that i won't be seen while everyone is out in the open and having fun. another consolation, the 2 newly weds can enjoy their big day and be happy to not see my face.

now i really get to feel the pain of not having my loved one around when i'm down. maybe i became too positive that i didn't expect unhappy things to happen to me, so i didn't really think of this aspect. and people ask how ldr is possible. well, i know he's dying to be here for me, doing whatever he can and that matters a lot to me. rather than to have someone physically by my side and ignoring my pain. thank you dear. <3

there's round 2 next month. if they don't wake up, then i'll be off and away to some other island and enjoying myself!

2010-04-07T18:14:00.002+08:00

wah. just after i posted that entry, i went to one of my favourite blogs, and saw that the girl has decided to save money (which is also what i wanna do!), and go study her masters.

"having been in many clouds of thoughts lately, worrying and praying, and thinking to myself, aiyah, just don't think so much, let it came as it will. then i start making plans for the future again, having to want to do so many things, that i don't know which should come first. it's like all of a sudden i just feel i should start living my life, doing the things i want to do, but never had the chance to, or had the fear of failing. but i'm still young, and i'm not getting any younger, so i should stop thinking of turning back the clock."

is this a sign or what?!?!?!

2010-04-07T18:08:00.001+08:00

SHOULD I GO FOR SAICSA?!?!?!?!?!?!!

The Singapore Association of The Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators

i've been talking about this for 3 years already. would have graduated by now. -.-"

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

2010-04-06T17:41:00.000+08:00

2010-03-27T20:03:00.002+08:00

i miss my dear so much! i wish i can skype 24/7 with him everyday! if i can teleport, i'll teleport myself right away over to USA!

2010-03-24T10:06:00.003+08:00

A note that KS wrote on Facebook.

------------------------------------------------------
Sons of this House.

I was flippin’ through my clothes, and I fumbled onto my BMT shirt.

It was 2006, I went into the Armed Forces and we were asked to put a pet name on the company T shirts that we are going to wear for the games day competition. I remembered I texted Pst How.

“Hi Pastor, I have a company shirt and we are to put a cool name on our sleeves. Can I put How Jr? :) “

“Sure.”

:) Many people put many different stuff on that sleeve. Some called themselves football players, some just random lame names, some their real names. I wanted to put that. Man, I missed Pastors so much when I was in BMT, it was a torrid time.

I was so proud to don that shirt, and yet I was feeling the pressure. It was just another normal shirt to many people, but to just put “How” there makes things so different. Do I live up to that name? Do I try to emulate my spiritual father? Do I strive to live a godly life like he does? Questions, good, though-provocative, spiritually-stirring.

Today I put on that shirt, and what a more apt time to do so. We are called to be sons of Heart of God Church. Do we carry the heart of our pastors? Do we burn their flame? Do we carry their burden? I am not sure if you do, but I wish to keep striving to carry that burden.

Today, my pastor had preach in one of the greatest churches in the States, simply because of his heart, because of what God has done through him and Pastor Lia. Do we hold greatness in our hearts like they do? Do we dream big? Do we strive to carry the name and the DNA of the church?

I want to carry How and Lia Jr. on my sleeve, in my heart. We are sons of this house. Carry the DNA and the heart of this house. We must always know who is family.

Signing off as How and Lia Jr.
------------------------------------------------------

this article struck a raw nerve.

how i used to live such a life with passion and zeal and always believing in my spiritual father with such great faith. and to see this in someone from HOGC, it brings a smile on my face.

2010-03-23T13:06:00.001+08:00

Ben says:
adding to that. after reading the logs and looking back at what you wrote about your problems, i can proudly say, "screw that, you still got me."

:D

2010-03-17T17:58:00.000+08:00

i'm quite happy about daylight saving in US, because it means that i can get to sleep earlier! hehe. when i sleep late on weekdays, i'll tend to laze my weekends away. which is obviously bad.

i need to get back on a healthy lifestyle again! sleeping early, drinking more water, proper skin care, and exercise! seriously, sleeping early just sets everything right! haha!

oh i had buffet twice in 4 days! Friday was company outing, bowling session followed by Seoul Garden. Jap buffet on Monday night, followed by Dai Dee session at Wanting's place. puked twice after that. boohoo. but i'm strong and good now.

while skyping with Dear Ben last night, it hit me that out of 52 weeks, i only have 9 weeks with him. wow. heh. hurrrrrrrrrrrr.

andddddd. my boss's mum bought a unit at Icon! my dream house! always fantasize about living there. the perks and all about living in tanjong pagar. HAHA! i shall just continue dreaming lahhhhhh.

2010-03-10T00:10:00.002+08:00

大嘴巴 - 永遠在身邊
(Da Mouth - Always By Your Side)

i specially searched for a video with english subtitles for you Ben! hehehehee. love the lyrics! :)

2010-03-07T16:13:00.002+08:00

the weather is damn freaking hot siaaaaaaaa!!!

ahhh, i know i haven't done a proper update for quite some time.

i played mj at Yinghan's place on Saturday and won about $10. haha. spent the whole day there, til after 12 midnight before we made ourselves scarce. 2 weeks ago, we were at her place on a Sunday and were the last few persons to see her brother before he flew off to i-forgot-where for his army training. then he came back on Saturday night, and saw us at his place again, it was like as if we never left the place! LOL!

i've been watching quite a few movies lately, thanks to the wonderful free app in my ipod touch. yayyyyyy.

The Time Traveller's Wife
If Only
It's Complicated
Love Hurts
The Blind Side
Law Abiding Citizen
The Invention of Lying

and have i mentioned? i've finished watching Down With Love! Jerry Yan oh so handsome!

and my darling Ben also very handsome! LOL.

speaking of which, dear ben got me roses for our 2nd month which was exactly a week ago. it was a very sweet surprise. i did OT in office and was going to take the train with Mig home. Then i realised i had 2 missed calls. I called back and the person said that he left the flowers outside the door since no one was at home. i was darn surprised!!! My Superman full of surprises! :D and then i gave him a surprise too, by pretending that i didn't receive the flowers from him. i guess he was expecting that the first thing to appear on the screen would be me with the flowers in my hand and a huge smile on my face. but well, he did get to see that at the end of the skype session. LOL.

can't wait for August!! :)

2010-03-05T20:09:00.001+08:00

When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body, but not your heart. That’s why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

2010-02-26T22:20:00.003+08:00

yooohooo

my room is in a complete mess now.

this morning i was still having the cramps, so i decided to take mc. my mum asked if i wanted to go ikea for breakfast cos they had a Ikea Friends Sale Preview, and their breakfast set was going at only $1.50! butter croissant, scrambled egg, 2 sausages and 2 hashbrown nuggets with free flow of coffee/tea. cheap right! then we went around Ikea and i got my eyes on the $169 wardrobe which goes at $139 for members. the original price is actually $250! and since my cupboard is already giving way, i decided to get it! it's sooo much bigger than my previous one. i'm really happy about it! BUT my wardrobe is now... SLANTED. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! do u know how disappointed i am now?!?!?!?! and PEK CEK TOO!!!!! the guy is coming on Sunday to fix it. but all the stuff are on my bed now....... where am i gonna sleep???????? aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:(

think i'll only be happy when Sunday comes, or maybe when Ben wakes up later!!! aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-22T03:35:00.001+08:00

I'm so afraid that one day I get crazy and say the stupidest thing.

When can this end?

2010-02-15T17:25:00.002+08:00

With Chinese New Year and Valentine's day falling on the same day, i actually feel more Valentine's day vibes than CNY. probably cos i don't have much of a reason to be celebrating CNY.

It's one of the best Valentine's Day i've ever had, to actually have a Valentine for Valentine's day (though he's far away). lol. and my Valentine sent me a bouquet of roses! it's actually the first time i'm receiving a bouquet of roses from a guy! and Ben had to surprise me with an iPod touch too. omg. i was most touched when he told me he wanted the flowers to reach me first before the iPod touch, cos that's what he would do when we go out on a date - present the flowers first. seriously, awwwwwwwwwwww. melt my heart lah.

i actually have a lot of sentiments right now, which i don't know how to put to words, and usually my tears tell it best. i think i've found one of my greatest fears which is something that i have absolutely no control over. but a good thing about this fear, it makes me treasure the people around me more, especially my loved ones because tomorrow might never come.

Ben, I love you!

2010-02-07T02:04:00.002+08:00

yippie yay yay. i'm enjoying my coke float as i'm typing this. climbed the stairs down to Shop N Save like a penguin. my muscles are still aching. ouch.

spent the night watching youtube videos. from The click Five, to FM Static, to Lionel Richie, to David Choi, to Wong Fu Productions! i really like Wong Fu Productions! think i really wasted my day, but ya, time u enjoy wasting isn't wasted time! HAHA. couldn't help it, but i subscribed to Wong Fu Productions' youtube channel. love the "Together At Last" video which i watched way long ago. they have quite a few videos on long distance relationships which were pretty sweet.

haven't been blogging for quite awhile. been busy for quite some time, skyping (almost) everyday, and shopping bits here and there. met up with Ashley during the week too!

was busy last weekend with the demise of my grandmother. she lived til a ripe old age of 92 and it isn't that bad for me, cos i'm not that close to my grandmother. i've my other cousins who spend the weekends at her place, but most of my teenage years were spent in church and i neglected certain areas of my life. so it was also great catching up time with the relatives. it was very touching when my dad and his siblings spoke about Ah Ma and thanked each other for taking care of Ah Ma. that brought me to tears.

which also means i can't be celebrating CNY this year. but i'm looking forward to my first Valentine's Day with mi querido Ben!

2010-02-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY ONE MONTH MY DEAR! :)

2010-01-18T18:04:00.001+08:00

ultra pissed now.

damn angry.

@$%^@$%&@*(^%@#$@!

2010-01-12T11:56:00.004+08:00

my memory is getting from bad to worse. and i'm so scared i'll forget all the sweet stuff that Ben does for me. i'm afraid that i'll lose this sweet feeling and take all these things for granted. so here i am, recording down those sweet moments.

(and not many people read my blog rit?)

skyped with Ben on Sunday night for close to 4 hours (break record again!), and what he said really touched my heart. i don't think there was ever any guy who was so sure of what they want - me. the stuff he told his dad, what he said to Joel, his sentiments on us getting together, especially when he said, no one comes close to rebecca. awwwww seriously heart melting. how not to love him and miss him more! i'm officially love sick. no antidote already. and he reads me so well, i got nothing to say!!!

you know, i never doubted that i made the right choice. but each day just seems to prove to me even more that i've made the right choice. i just have to get used to being lovesick for the next 7 months. hahahahhahahaa

looking forward to the next skype with Ben!

2010-01-10T01:02:00.002+08:00

i've craving for subway now. hmmmmm. too late to have subway now.

but i'm still a very happy girl.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

skyped with dear ben for the longest record (for now) of 3 hours! i guess we can only do this on weekends! hahaha.

i'm one of the stickiest girlfriend around, think i can skype 24 hours with him if i've nothing else to do. HAHAHAHA. can see his face already very good. LOL. i can skype with him, go back to sleep, wake up and skype with him again! thank God for SKYPE!!!! LOL. met his friends too, a funny and lively bunch who couldn't stop teasing us, but can tell they really like Ben to be teasing us this much. hahaha. then again, what's there not to like about my boyfriend?! LOL.

oh, last night, Raymond brought me and Bee to Empire Cafe at Raffles Hotel. Wow, i had my most expensive chicken rice ever! $18.50 not inclusive of GST. and while waiting for my chicekn rice, i changed my wallpaper. guess what, when i got home later and skyped with Ben, he told me he changed his wallpaper on his phone too! he changed it to the same photo as mine and at about the same time as me! telepathy! :D

and while we skyped, my youngest bro saw Ben's face on the screen and he was so happy, he waved at Ben. that meant a lot to me. like how my mum smiled so broadly too and said hi to Ben as well. i like what she said to Ben also. hahahahhaaha. can feel her love for me in that short sentence.

happy happy! :D

2010-01-06T11:15:00.001+08:00

i'm very happy.

my boyfriend loves me enough to wake up at 5.30am just to skype with me. :D

i feel very loved to know he doesn't mind taking these extra steps just to communicate more with me at my convenience! so what if he's so damn far away now, i've never felt closer to him than when he was in Singapore.

i remember what Pastor Kong said, don't get a guy who loves you but finds it difficult to say those 3 words. thank God that Ben is not like that!

i'm soooo very lucky to have him! :D

2010-01-04T00:01:00.002+08:00

it's the 4th day of 2010. everyday's going well now.

here goes the drum roll....
i finally got together with Benjamin Loy. it took us 5 years, and i think there's no better time than now. even the live band played the song "I'm Yours" at the most apt time. it was like wow. it threw me into a state of shock for an hour plus, where i was totally stunned, constantly laughing and smiling, i couldn't really talk. it was quite crazy. hahahaha.

i'm glad this time, i didn't run away, stopped giving myself excuses and most importantly, found someone worth it. someone who treasures me, has always been there for me, and loves me. Mr Benjamin Loy :)

something which he said last night.
ben: 2010's gonna be a good year. there's nothing more i can ask for.
me: am i that good?
ben: if not i want you for what?
LOLOLOLOL

went to send him off just now in the afternoon, his dad picked me up from home and i got to see his mum for the first time. i could see his mum smiling broadly when i was approaching the car. gosh, i felt so shy!!! hahahaha. his mum was nice and friendly, gave me a nice handshake, which i don't usually get from elders, unless it's a very formal occasion. his parents were really nice to give us some time on our own. HAHA.

and he called when he was in transit via Hongkong! we spoke for like 15 mins before he had to board the plane again.

and i gotta thank Raymond for being so supportive, caring, helpful and for being such a paparazzi!! LOL.

one of the best wishes i had was from Pauline:
Really it took alot of courage to do so seeing your love one live apart of you. You're really a strong girl! Kudos to Beck! We will accompany you and help you to keep this long distance relationship moving! Jia you Beck!

i'm very touched and i feel super ultra loved. i found that Special One, and the people around are so supportive too! what can be better?

2010-01-02T13:51:00.002+08:00

what the **** am i thinking.

let's just see how this goes.

sigh.

hello 2010.

2010-01-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

EngRish

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want inyour size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Asian : No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Asian : Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Asian : S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Asian : No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enterthrough this door?Asian : (pointing to door) can AR?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Asian : Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Asian : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Asian : Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you'recoming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about theissue.
Asian : You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! Lower your voice, I'm trying toconcentrate over here.
Asian : Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I knowyou?
Asian : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment
Asian : Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Asian : Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DOES SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,...
Asian : like that also don't know how to do!!!!

2009-12-31T12:51:00.002+08:00

AHHHHHHH it's the last day of 2009!!!!

a fast entry to wrap up the year.

thank you dear friends for everything.
thanks corrin for all the partying and teaching me basketball.
thanks hui, bee, seok for the Taiwan trip.
thanks Cyn for all the great bargains and sales, organising events for the girls, etc.
thanks Tine for not feeling too far from me when we don't contact each other for months.
thanks Mig for teaching me guys talk. LOL.
thanks shawn the bFfXxX for taking in all my rants and the long awaited Waraku.
thanks grace for being such a great fun to party with and all the advices. haha.
thanks steven for spending so much time, being crazy with me.
thanks Trisha for all the girly talks and meet ups!

achievements this yr:
- run 42km!
- remained single. (LOL!)
- went taiwan.

gosh... i can continue to write more stuff but i need to go meet Ben now!

HAPPY 2010 everyone! :)

2009-12-14T21:25:00.001+08:00

it's been a happy day!

i hope this happiness is not shortlived.

2009-12-14T14:20:00.002+08:00

i just met Ben and Raymond for lunch, and Ben got me a huge bottle of chocolate raisins. it's freaking heavy, 1.53kg! it can probably last me for 3 months. my desk doesn't even have space for it, and no way am i gonna carry it home!

but still, a VERY SWEET gift! :)

2009-12-13T15:08:00.003+08:00

ok, just cut my bangs. yay. HAAA HAAA HAAAA woohooo! crazy idea, totally regret it. but then again, now i'll know BANGS DON'T really suit me! HAAAA.

watching "Will It Snow On Christmas" now.

skipped church today, though i wanted to go. but was too tired to go. cosss i played monopoly with Migtine & Kel til 6am this morning! we went to watch Storm Warriors at eHub, then head over to Tine's place to play boardgames. haha. Risk is such a scheming game... omg. buay tahan.

whatever lah.

2009-12-10T18:16:00.001+08:00

i hope i can get my bonus. then i can go korea! :)

"money money should be secondary. make Korea THE trip to look forward to."

i hope so man!

2009-12-09T21:38:00.002+08:00

i should update this blog while i'm still alive, kicking and sane.

the sisters really do get on my nerves. time and again. ****

Great Wall Marathon. i really think this is a freaking cool idea. i would hate Steven if he goes without me, since i'm the one who suggested the idea!
but i got no money to go! :(

today damn suay. i had clients who stayed in office till 5.45pm. i stayed til 6pm and after hearing that the clients left, i packed my stuff and shut down my pc. just as i was about to pick my bag and go, DC came and told me, "you gotta stay back. need you to do this lodgement for me now." sian to the max. cannot take train back with Steven, cannot meet Linda and the girls for dinner. ARGH... and i ate cup noodles for dinner.

met Bee and the girls for Bee's birthday dinner. :) the Marmalade Pantry, wasn't as satisfying as i thought it would be. but the company made up for it. :)

ahhh. i'm damn tired now. gonna sleep early!

sian. i still don't know what i want.

2009-11-30T19:22:00.002+08:00

i just extracted my wisdom tooth this morning!

i woke up late at 9.15am when the dental appointment was at 9am! but luckily it was just below my block, so i quickly washed up and went down. waited for quite a while for my turn. then told the dentist i was having problems with my wisdom tooth. he checked my teeth and gums and advised. he said my upper wisdom tooth has grown out, and it's causing the ulcer on my lower gum, so i can either extract both, extract the upper one only, or just wait to see things go. i told him to extract the upper one ASAP. then he said, u ready to extract now? i was damn stunned... because everything was too simple. HAHAHA. i thought things would be more complicated, like take X-Ray that kinda stuff. hahahaa. but he said, the extraction is a simple one. so within 15 mins, my upper wisdom tooth was out. i was actually quite high after i extracted my tooth. i laughed the moment my tooth dropped out and landed on my tongue. the dentist said that's good, you're laughing. i think i'm SIAO. HAHA.

then i got out of the room and saw my mum standing outside some 50m away. she was signalling to me, so i just signalled her to come over. i was actually smiling after stepping out of the room. seriously SIAO.

now i can't really eat solid food. can't wait for the wound to heal and eat solid food! :)

and my new addiction is ANIME! hahaha. thanks to Trisha, i watch Vampire Knight and Vampire Knight Guilty. lol.

2009-11-23T14:03:00.001+08:00

love Adam Lambert's new album, For Your Entertainment. or maybe i just like all that noise. HAHA.

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

Verse:
Hey, slow it down whataya
want from me? Whataya want from me?
Yeah, Im afraid whataya
want from me? Whataya want from me?
There might have been
a time when I would give myself away,
Oh once upon a time,
I didnt give a damn.
But now, here we are.
So whataya want from me? Whataya want from me?

Chorus:
Just dont give up,
Im workin it out,
Please dont give in,
I wont let you down,
It messed me up, need
a second to breath,
Just keep comin around.
Hey! Whataya want from
me? Whataya want from me? Whataya want from me?

Verse:
Yeah, its plain to see,
Baby your beautiful,
and theres nothing wrong with you,
Its me, Im a freak,
But thanks for loving
me, cause youre doing it perfectly.
Yeah there might have
been a time when I would let you slip away,
I wouldnt even try, I
think you could save my life.

Chorus:
Just dont give up,
Im workin it out,
Please dont give in,
I wont let you down,
It messed me up, need
a second to breath,
Just keep comin around,
Hey! Whataya want from
me? Whataya want from me? Whataya want from me?

Bridge:
Just dont give up on me,
Oh!
I wont let you down,
No, I wont let you down.

Chorus:
So just....
Just dont give up,
Im workin it out,
Please dont give in,
I wont let you down,
It messed me up, need
a second to breath,
Just keep comin around,
Hey! Whataya want from me?
Just dont give up,
Im workin it out,
Please dont give in,
I wont let you down,
It messed me up, need
a second to breath,
Just keep comin around,
Hey! Whataya want from
me? Whataya want from me? Whataya want from me?

2009-11-22T01:13:00.002+08:00

my 449th entry.

yet another lazy saturday. woke up late, since i slept late, stayed home the whole day, and slept at 5pm til 8pm. i'm getting too lazy, i didn't do anything constructive, like pack the mess in my room, or iron my clothes. HAHA. whatever lah. it feels like i'm heading nowhere, or maybe i'm just being emooooo. it feels like there's a 1001 reasons to be emo. then again, there's also 1001 reasons to be happy!

i was quite happy to hear some good news about my friends. haha :)

2009-11-11T09:17:00.000+08:00

last evening i had this tangible feeling of being forgotten/forsaken. while i wasn't sure what happened, i tried hard not to doubt or think too much. but i seriously was on the verge of tears.

or perhaps i was on the verge of tears cos i felt stupid.

and i learnt no one can never fail me.

2009-11-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

a problem that seems common and normal, but i never want to accept it the way it is. contradictory to how i look at the bigger issue that it leads to.

my life? seems ok. just that every once in a while, i plunged down that abyss of hopelessness and wallow in self pity. but i'll recover soon enough.

i swear it's pms.

2009-11-06T11:44:00.002+08:00

i'm too used to ur sweet talks, now u're giving me attitude, and i totally dislike it.

i have a choice. mend it, or break it.

hmmmmm.

maybe i should be a real bitch.

2009-11-06T08:58:00.002+08:00

Monday is officially Gym Day. HAHA.

this week has been good.

i made someone happy. i think that's a good thing. :)

i'm almost done with Have A Little Faith! my birthday present from Linda and the girls. i like that book. :)

oh and i recently bought an A4 notebook. guess why. to paste all the newspaper articles and magazine cut outs on GOOD FOOD. i'm gonna make a scrapbook for my FOOD ADVENTURE! so u can take a peek into my book and put ur name beside it, and probably a date too. when i decide to go for it, i'll ring you up and we could go together! hahahhahahaa i think i'm madddd. woooohoooo! but last night when i got home, i asked my mum for newspaper, she said she sold it all to the garang guni man alr. siannnn.

and here goes what i've been up to the whole week.

Monday, gym.

Tuesday, Minds Cafe @ Tamp Safra with Corrin, Elithia & Alyaa! :) they let me win at Settlers of Catan. so nice. hahahahaha.

Wednesday, G Zone service! Peck told me something exciting. i need to start praying about it, before i jump into it! hehehe. :)

Thursday, OT til 10.30pm. had late dinner/supper with Miguel and the always-hear-about-but-never-met-him-before Jeremy Auw. hahahhaa. Simpang! Prata was the bomb! i mean, i had Prata Bomb with cheese. actually, i got home at 12 plus, but i only slept at 3am. too full to sleep!

which means now, Friday, i'm damn tired. i feel like a zombie! but i'm having a good breakfast! Huggs chicken & egg sandwich and Huggs coffee. i like Huggs.

looking forward to my after work activities. simple pleasures that i don't usually get to do, and it takes the right company to enjoy it! :)

2009-11-03T13:39:00.000+08:00

worth blogging about.

i've walked out of it. no regrets.

steven and i were talking about scorpio's vengefulness. i suggested that he probably was a scorpio baby who was swopped with a gemini baby. and he said i'm hard-hearted. yes i can be very hard hearted, if i have reasons to be. heh.

so i deleted him off my phone. can't remember his no. and have absolutely no reason to contact him anymore. i don't feel obliged to wait til dec anymore. oh yeaaaa. :)

2009-10-30T15:11:00.001+08:00

hmmmm.

why do i not feel the least guilty???

i guess it's gonna be a good thing! heh.

2009-10-28T09:51:00.002+08:00

i'm 22 years and 1 day old! :)

i had a smashing good time with the girls last night.

became friends with a twin.

my thoughts are all incoherent now. that's because i had 4 hours of sleep last night. i'm too used to having 7 hours of sleep a day.

steven just texted me about watching Ah Mei's concert on 30 January 2010. i'm happy to go watch her concert! i'm starting to have more things to look forward to in 2010! for this i should be happy!

but.... i'm getting emo cosssssss i'm wavering, i don't know what i want. my mind keeps playing back to that scene where you ask me if this is what i really want. i was very sure, so certain about it, i said yes. now i don't know if/how you'll be part of my 2010.

2009-10-19T20:08:00.002+08:00

i haven't updated my blog for quite some time already!

life has been good. Every moment spent with God just makes life worth living. :)

"Lord, grant me the strength to do Your Will, the wisdom to know its timing, the love to keep me going and my trust in you to keep me in perfect peace."

i sooo love this prayer.

a short update of my whereabouts.

last Monday, me and Steven had yogurt for dinner at Fruzen Yoguz. yes, we only ate yogurt! i had Death by Chocolate, and i must say, it doesn't taste like yogurt at all. more like ice cream! HEHE.

Tuesday was Tony Romas @ Suntec with Yinghan, Kokwei, Steven, Kuisiang, and Kelvin. i wore 3 inch heels that day, cos i didn't wanna be a midget! LOL. followed by desserts at Peck Seah Street. Durian Puree with Pomelo! awesome! it was damn shiok man! HAHA. i guess walking about in 3 inch heels from Suntec to Peck Seah Street helped burn some fats too. LOL.

I can't remember what i did on Wednesday! I slept early on Thursday, at 10.30pm!

Friday was the cheapo half day outing to Pulau Ubin with the company. we left office at 12.40pm, and reached the jetty at about 1.40pm. the cycling was kinda tiring, but fun! of course i love going down the slopes! fancy free, break free! lol. good thing no one had any injuries, except for Priscilla's anemia acting up. the weather was hot, but i'm happy cos i didn't get burnt. :)

we had dinner at the italian restaurant at Changi Village Hotel. i thought i could order my own main course, but i didn't expect my boss to order pizza and pasta for everyone to share. -.-" sians.

cabbed back with the 2 new audit assistants. haha. even though there's new blood in the office, sadly i'm still the youngest. booohoooo.

i wanted to wake up and RUN on Saturday morning, but what i eventually did was wake up and sleep. so sad. skipped service and met MigTine at bedok mrt to go down to WuLing's birthday party together. She held her party at Siloso Beach Resort. we left rather early about 10pm, and i got to sit at the back of the lorry on the way home! reminds me of the young times when i used to sit at the back of my uncle's pick up. hahaha. Uncle dropped me home and after bathing, cycled my way to Tine's house for late night movie marathon. shiok man. We watched The Ugly Truth (again!) and Zombieland. i think i have a very weak heart, i cannot take gore. :( i left her place at 5.30am, cycled back home with Mig... hahaha.

Woke up early on Sunday to meet Trisha! lunch at Ion's Soup Spoon. hehehe. thank God my mum told me beforehand that she's gonna cook beef stew, else i would have beef stew at Soup Spoon. haha. we went looking around for skincare again! lol. and the girl at the Laneige counter said my fine lines are showing. i'm freaking sad. i'm more stressed about my face than my tummy. very very sad.

rushed down for church service, totally happy that i didn't miss service! :) Pastor Kong talked about the life of Job - total abandonment in God. loved the sermon. Pastor Kong also enlightened me when he said, "don't marry someone whom you love more than he loves you. don't marry someone who can't tell you he loves you. (aka ai zai xin li kou nan kai)"

and for dinner, i had Fruzen Yoguz again! death by chocolate. me and steven shared a $12.60 bowl worth of yogurt. it was crazy. HAHA. he casually mentioned that this bowl might probably be the biggest they ever sold today, but the cashier girl heard and said, it's the biggest they've ever sold! HAHAHA! Steven does the craziest stuff! HAHA. i'm amazed by how much i can eat whenever i'm out with Steven.

i wanna leave my hair long. but for every single day that i keep my hair long, i have the option of cutting my hair short. SHOULD I CUT???? i'm VERY TEMPTED TO CUT MY HAIR AGAIN! God knows why i would want to leave my hair long. saddddd.

2009-10-08T18:01:00.001+08:00

totally LOVE this guy. as a friend of course!

[Miguel] The wind of change says :
You must be like LV
Firm strong
[Miguel] The wind of change says :
And No u turn is allowed
Or i swear i going to overcharge that bugger
Because u are worth it
becka says :
hahaha
[Miguel] The wind of change says :
Understand? anyway i got to go le, see u tomorrow! And i am always on your side
becka says :
yesss
[Miguel] The wind of change says :
Your super lawyer
becka says :
THANK YOU!

2009-10-06T22:38:00.004+08:00

i can't put words to describe my life now.

it's a mix of everything.

there's doubt, fear, insecurities, but i'm learning to trust, believe, love, grow and press on.

i quite like it.

with every step, i believe things will only get better.

with Faith, Hope and Love, how can i not be loving Life?

i'm loving my God! :)

Words could never say the way he says my name
He calls me lovely
No one ever sees the way he looks at me
He sees me holy
Earth could never hold this love that burns my soul
Heaven holds me
Oh Heaven holds me

I can’t hold my love back from you
I can’t hold my love back from you
I’ve gotta sing, I’ve gotta sing, sing my love to you, Jesus
I can't hold my love back from you
I can’t hold my love back from you
I’ve gotta sing, I’ve gotta sing, sing my love

You would not believe the way He touches me
He burns right through me
And I could not forget every word He said
He always knew me
Earth could never hold this love that burns my soul
Heaven holds me
Oh Heaven holds me, YEAH

Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
My soul makes, makes its boast in the Lord

2009-09-29T13:58:00.004+08:00

and what's amazing is when you've been secretly yearning for something, someone else comes along and joins you in prayer.

oh these precious moments.

i'm gonna make them better!

2009-09-29T13:58:00.001+08:00

i've been feeding myself A LOT on spiritual food recently.

and when there's input, there should be output.

i made a pact with God, that i'm willing to go through it only because He's the faithful One who will be there to catch me when i fall; because He wants me to give; because He gives.

everything i hear and see, teaches me to love, love and love again. He is the God of Love. :)

2009-09-27T11:59:00.001+08:00

wake up and sleep.

wahahahhahaa.

2009-09-26T13:09:00.002+08:00

thursday night, Debbie asked if i wanted tickets to F1 race for Friday night. couldn't think of anyone to ask along, and i don't like to bear with the noise, so i skipped it.

just before i ended work on Friday, my aunt called and asked if i want tickets to F1 Rocks concert. wahhhh, so last minute. i already intended to go for Combined Prayer Meeting. so i skipped the concert as well.

i don't regret skipping the concert, because during the meeting, i felt the presence of God so strong, He melted me away again. :) while waiting for time to pass before the meeting starts, i sat outside SingPost eating my Mr Bean ice cream. i then started to think, where's home? Why did i end up at MPCC? I know God's hand is in this, but what is His purpose, and how do i fulfill it? i was searching for answers, and then i saw Rebecca. i called out to her, and she starting to sing the songs they sang during choir practice with Black Gospel. She sang "I Will Search". I almost teared. every word of that song was my heart cry. I felt ministered to. Then during the worship session, i was totally overwhelmed by His presence. His peace and His love soothed my heart. Even though it was just the keyboardist and guitarist playing without the drums, the worship was not any less complete. :)

after that, i headed down to Clark Quay to find S.K.I. at Brewerkz. beer with ice cream dessert was shiok. it made me damn high. Kokwei's family is overseas, so he suggested we go over to his place tonight (in order to skip the trail walk tomorrow morning), and under Steven's persuasion, i agreed. Steamboat + Beer Float + Wii. He even said, "We're the epitome of Happiness. you better join us." HAHAHA.

so i'm gonna be a very happy girl now.

can't wait for evening to arrive!

2009-09-22T08:50:00.001+08:00

it's amazing that when you've had an almost disastrous weekend, the thing you look forward to is being back in office on a weekday for Work.

2009-09-19T11:19:00.002+08:00

i need to convert the negative energy.

i don't believe that i'll have to fight for it.

me time. me and God time.

2009-09-18T17:13:00.002+08:00

hellooooo bloggyyy.

it's the last half hour to the lonngggg weekends.

i suddenly feel so down..... :(

this is what i hate the most and what i fear the most.

can't believe i'm falling into this mood swing thing!

urggghhhh.

i need the Fruit of the Spirit!

2009-09-16T08:47:00.001+08:00

last night, we talked, and his handphone battery ran low.

this morning. he sent me a text.

now....... i doubt he can revive his phone.

SATURDAY FASTER COME!!!!!

2009-09-13T21:59:00.000+08:00

it has been one hell of a week!

it could have been worse, but i thank God for cruising me through the week! :)

well, i had lots of fun.

starting from Monday, where we dropped by Ms Tan's place. Me, yinghan, steven, edwin lee, kokwei and kuisiang. we bought dinner to her place, then we played Wii! Raving rabbits! hahahaha.. Kuisiang is a master at Wii. we left her place early, cos she has work the next day and so do we. partially cos her place is at the other end of Singapore!

Tuesday was the last day i saw him before he enlisted.

Wednesday was really nice, cos i was only expecting a call, but he video called me! and his text from time to time was really sweet. i joined Louisa and the rest of G Zone for The Dead Sea Scrolls at The Art House. :) It was really cool. I didn't know what to expect from going to the exhibition. But the Dead Sea Scrolls referred to the Holy Word of God, which i thought was something i couldn't miss out on. Nevertheless, i thank God i went. The curator spoke of the 5 famous persons who translated the Word of God and made it possible for the whole world to read! and i came away with a gratitude for these people who carried the burden/mission for everyone else to be able to read God's word! We always thank God for His Word, but never came close to thinking how His Word came about and the process there of. This exhibition is for the unsung heroes who persevered having back aches, strained eyesight etc, and to glorify the name of God!

Thursday, i skipped the weekly run. i can't remember why i skipped it. and i don't quite remember what i did on Thursday!

Friday was dinner and movie with Bee & Seok! :) We had dinner at Just Acia. A couple of months ago, the 3 of us had dinner there too! Gosh, we couldn't finish the food. love Bee cos she's amazing at keeping secrets. LOL. Followed by I Love You Beth Cooper, which i think is an extremely stupid show, so stupid that i can only laugh.

Saturday was back at work. then back at hoGc for service! Pastor Kevin Loo is really funny. but his testimony is amazing! who would have ever thought that a man caught for being an illegal broker would be called to become a Pastor? and that is what makes God amazing! He is always full of Faith, Hope and Love. :) we went to the airport to send Alexandra off after service. all the girls went, i don't know where the guys disappeared to! oh and i bumped into Hong Shern and Joseph when i was at T3. Hong Shern's flying off to Manchester! i'm envious.

and today... i woke up early to get down to Suntec with my mum. and i got myself a new phone! LG Joy! or LG GM 730. haha. :) the phone is so new, that i went down to Simlim Square but had a hard time getting a scren protector for my phone! haaaaa.

my phone is still charging now and i can't wait to use it! but lots to be done like transferring data and stuff.

damn it. i miss him a lot now.

2009-09-12T14:21:00.002+08:00

i bloghopped.

and then i read an entry about obedience, discipline and trust.

"Today, this verse is so blatantly in my face. Hebrews 12: 7 Endure hardship as discipline.
Hebrews 12:10 -11 ... but God disciplines us for our own good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at this time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12: 14... without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Lord, I'm trusting in Your love. I've chosen. Into Your will i abide. It's not easy, it's painful. And it hurts to know he is hurting too. But i will yet hope in You. Cause I want to know You more, and I want to believe it is for my good. And it is my desire to see Your glory. my one life for You, Lord. I no longer be a stumbling block to the tremendous blessing You want to give me, to give him. And i choose to believe You will work miracles in his life. Your amazing love.
For God is good.
For God is in control.
For God will bring it to pass.

Lord, break into my heart. I want to break with all that binds me. Help me believe in faith i receive Your breakthrough for me. I stand in awe of You."

and so i say the same. Amen.

2009-09-10T18:20:00.001+08:00

Morality alone would dictate that he gets what he deserves.
A redeemed heart says, “Let me bind his wounds because what needs attention is his soul.”

Morality alone says, “There is nothing reasonable in the man’s request.”
The redeemed heart says, “The reason by which we live is the heart of mercy that does not keep a ledger.”

Morality says, “It’s all about whether you think it’s right or not.”
The redeemed heart says "What would God have me do in this situation?”

Morality says, “Make your own judgements.”
The redeemed heart says, “Don’t make a judgement unless you are willing to be judged by the same standard.”

In short, morality is a double-edged sword. It cuts the very one who wields it, even as it seeks to mangle the other.

The Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias

2009-09-10T09:21:00.000+08:00

Yesssah! i survived day one. not much of a big deal, but still... yeah, i survived! hhahahaha.

it's less than 2 weeks actually. 10 more days to be exact. won't be too difficult! :)

as long as i have faith, guard my heart and spirit, and continue to seek God!

2009-09-08T13:28:00.002+08:00

i don't know how i'm gonna cope with this.

it makes me feel vulnerable and weak.

and i've to constantly be conscious that God is the one i have to turn to.

6 months will pass VERY VERY FAST!

2009-09-04T08:40:00.002+08:00

nowadays, i don't feel restless anymore. i don't keep thinking of wanting to go out and have fun. i'm comfortable even without a computer to go online. i like it this way, because i don't have to be so dependent on the computer anymore.

i'm glad that Ben being back in Singapore has brought about quite a few changes in my life. i thought i should be nice and hangout with Ben and his friends else it would be awkward for him. That's when everything started i guess. i was having a meal with Joel last Sunday, and he said, "i can't believe we can be sitting here eating like this." totally agree with him. God actually used someone whom i used to detest a lot to speak to me. But i guess he qualified that role, else i would have turned a deaf ear. God does wonders. In Him, there's reconciliation. i carry this hope with my whole heart for the journey ahead.

Joel passed me a book on Tuesday. "Born With A Purpose", by Vera Kasevich. The moment i realised what book it was, tears started welling up. It's a book that talks about healing, reconciliation, hope and faith - just all that i need! It's a testimony of a Ukraine woman who was hurt by the women in her life, how God found her and restored her. I knew i could find answers in there and I was so hungry for it. It reminds me of Pastor Lia's sermon of God's re-calculated route for us.

I wanna go back to hoGc because i feel for their cause and want to be part of it. As simple as that. It's not only about whether it's a place where i can grow spiritually, but i want a goal and vision in my life and a spiritual family with a common goal. To them, it's simply put, "Love God, Love People." They have been there for me at my lowest point and i will never forget Peck for the consultation sessions, and her genuine concern in my life. I still do feel much attached to her in some ways, which was why i couldn't leave hoGc on saturday without seeing Peck first.

I remember one of my msn conversations with Colin, he asked how have i been doing. I replied honestly that i've been partying a lot. i know he was worried and i told him, "don't worry, i know where's home." so yup, i'm coming Home now. :)

2009-09-02T13:55:00.001+08:00

i'm been trying to be Hopeful. so many things that i'm hoping the best for.

i must have faith and believe!

2009-09-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

2009-08-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

i got bored, and listened to The Heart of The Matter by India Arie, been some time since i last heard this song.

damn it. now i feel like crying. very bad.

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

this hits home.

i want to let go of all the hurt, all the pain, all the bitterness and anger towards all of them.

i don't know if it's wrong to depend emotionally on you any further. any further, i won't be able to pull myself back.

2009-08-27T13:51:00.000+08:00

running at bedok reservoir last night was ultra shiok.

lunched again at the Palace of Golden Arches. sigh.

i think history is repeating itself again. how do i break away from this?

gotta get back to work!

2009-08-25T14:02:00.000+08:00

i don't like it that they're always trying to fix me up with someone else.

2009-08-24T11:17:00.001+08:00

i've been away from the Net for the whole weekend! kinda feels weird, but powerpacked activities to distract me from the Net, so it's ok. and my comp is spoilt, so yea.

hmmm.

i'm in a dilemna now. and i feel like i'm on a different level altogether.

but well, i shall talk about all the fun i've been having first.

Met Joel for a short drink on Friday after work. He wrote me something and wanted to pass it to me. a letter from God, that is. i bumped into Gina at the mrt station, and Jac when i was at MOS Burger. LOL. :)

then i headed home for Assam fish! did some packing, and housework. did some reflection and slept considerably early for a friday night.

Saturday was a me-myself-and-I day, Salsa class without Trisha, running at Pasir Ris Park and cook/eat Chilli Crab day. LOL.

Sunday was a busy day. woke up early and headed down to MPCC together with Joel in his dad's car. They had baptism service and overall, i was very touched by the sermon. They are a very family church, a lot of family adults. i felt peace and acceptance, and strangely i didn't feel guilt tugging at my heart, which was something that has been bugging me for a long time. after the service, we had lunch and Pastor David came round and spoke to me. He started talking and i could feel my spirit so hungry, that he couldn't stop telling me more about this spiritual walk. i know my heart is still very much tender towards the Lord. we were sitting around the dining area and it was extremely noisy. i had a hard time concentrating on what Pastor David was saying. which was what i thought has been happening all this while. i've been ignoring His words, and playing a fool out of myself. now that i've had my fun for almost a year, time to get back on track. I seriously think God wants me all to Himself. HAHA. i'm kidding, but i think there's some truth in that statement. LOL. the whole time, the words, "I've set you apart" kept coming back to me.

after lunch, i hung around with the other youths. we had earthquake at Parkway's Swensens. played some funny fish game, laughed at lame jokes. then time passed so fast, we were late to meet Ben. travelled to Bugis, and Joel was nice to let me nap along the way. HAHAHA, wah piang i sleep everywhere i go. but i was really tired! sooo, i guess i've met nice people like Michell, Jolin, Glenn, Madeline and Cherlie, just to name a few.

Met Ben at Bugis, and we played pool. i suck at pool. HAHA. then Ben wanted to play bowling, so we went Marina Square for 2 games. gosh. the first game was ok, but I SUCK TOO AT BOWLING. i went into the longkang many many many times. my score was 16! jialat man. hahahaa. the guys hung around to wait for Raymond to reach for dinner, while i travelled to Tampines One to meet up with Migtine, Kel and gang. Kelvin's back from Taiwan! he lost weight, and he's looking better now! HAHA. dinner at the japanese village, shit i forgot the name of the restaurant. desserts at cafe cartel. lol. everyone forgot to bring camera today. dang... but that's ok, cos it's not as if Kelvin's leaving again. lol.

i feel like i'm hanging out too much with guys, i'm turning into a guy soon! where are all my girlfriends huh????

and back to the dilemna i was talking about.

everything seems to fall nicely and timely, but i'm quite lost. the sermon at MPCC has rekindled the flames, and then i get a text message from Peck telling me there's 10th Anniversary this coming Saturday. i do feel a sense of belonging/identity at hoGc. which is why even though i haven't been attending for quite some time, i still do say i'm from hoGc. whether i should go back to hoGc, or start at MPCC? or perhaps i should continue at both, til i find my direction.

it's not easy, but i just have to keep this going.

2009-08-21T20:46:00.000+08:00

i'm happy that 6 years ago, i ignored you. in fact, i ignored all of you.

now, it feels like i did the right thing, and God saved a route for me.

with all possible doubts.

i really wanna believe.

it stirs.

and as thoughts ran through my head, i couldn't even find the courage to regret. i feel lost. but i know i gotta pick myself up somehow, somewhere, and find my way back there.

how long will this last?

2009-08-21T13:26:00.001+08:00

someone is going to pass me a letter from God.

:S

2009-08-20T13:38:00.001+08:00

i know, i'm spamming my blog. HAHA.

i just read Evelyn's blog. wah seh. reading her entries makes me feel blissful too. so sweet! awwww.....

2009-08-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

all time favourite.
power packed voices.

2009-08-20T09:22:00.001+08:00

i've been hanging out with people that i don't usually hang out with lately. i wonder where has the rest gone to?

i don't like this.

i've this problem which is an obvious pattern in my love life. and i don't know how to break away from it.

hmmm. even though my entries are quite moody, but trust me, i've been laughing a lot. HAHA.

i tried to wake up early today to go for a morning run. i even had Joel giving me 5 missed calls at 5.30am. but, i eventually went back to sleep. CMI! hahaha. i'm going for a loonng run over the weekends man. maybe tomorrow night.

2009-08-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

on the way home, i saw my favourite couple boarding the same train that i was in at City hall. The guy was carrying the baby, and was happily chatting with his wife. they are my favourite couple because the guy is a 22 year old Chinese and the girl is a 30+ year old Malay. I first came across their wedding photos on Facebook, and a few months after, I stumbled upon an article that the same girl wrote on Today newspaper, about her 22 year old husband - that while other guys of that age are most probably serving NS and fussing over the newest PSP games, her man was fussing over real stuff. I was rather astonished that such could happen. What they have to overcome is not only the racial difference, the age gap they have, and the burden of building a family. They don't know of my existence, but what i can say about them is, they inspire.

i never thought it'll hurt that bad.

2009-08-19T19:55:00.000+08:00

not too long ago, i had someone telling me, "i used to think of you every few minutes, but now i ..... what would you have done if i ....."

i hope that doesn't happen to me again. :(

2009-08-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

laughter is the best medicine. HAHA. :)

i wish i have dimples! hur hur.