Treat your girl right, bro. Plain and simple.

I know it can be hard to please her sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end. Remember that she’s your happiness, your world. She should be the first person you talk to in the morning, and the last person you whisper “Good night” to. Unlike some of your bros, she’s going to be there for you when you’re the happiest, but more importantly, when you’re at your lowest. She’ll cook for you and care for you, so treat her like a queen. Girls are delicate creatures. Think before you say. Think before you act. They take every little mistake you make and multiply it by a thousand. So try not to mess up, aight? When you’re fighting, sometimes it’s better to put your relationship before your own pride. You’re not helping yourself by making her upset, bro. And never, ever, under any condition, let her go to sleep crying. She’ll resent you for it for the rest of your days. Don’t forget to make her feel special everyday. Open doors, go shopping with her. Hell, make dinner for her! The more you show her you love her, the more she’ll give you in return. Remember that an “I love you” via text is never as special as one in person. And show her off to your bros, don’t be ashamed of her. She’s never been ashamed of your dorky ass. Look, she doesn’t really need much in a relationship; she just wants to feel like she matters to you. That’s not asking for much, bro.
But if you haven’t learned a thing from reading this, remember this. Love her unconditionally, loyally, and keep her close. Love her with everything you’ve got: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because I swear, if you won’t treat your girl right, someone else definitely will.

because when u ask me if i will ever leave u, my condition was , "no, unless u don't treat me right"

yes, that's all that i asked for, but i couldn't feel it, no matter how hard u seem to try. i don't know why. actions speak louder than words, and your actions just didn't speak loud enough. i gave my 100% and i have to let go, because the relationship has become so unhealthy for me. I don't want to compare the sacrifices we made for each other to maintain this relationship, but i feel shortchanged in this relationship. I once promised you to have this as our common goal: you graduating from uni successfully. and i didn't mind that we had less Skype sessions as long as we communicate via whatsapp, as long as i get a response. things seemed to be going well, we didn't quarrel anymore, because I understood you need time to study, and i gave you space for that. but our conversations were going nowhere. and i got upset that you were spending more time studying with your female friends than talking to me. i was stupid to believe that you were busy with school even though i had my suspicions. stupid enough to trust you, because you would alway ask me to trust you and place so much emphasize on the word "trust" in a relationship. til today, i still feel betrayed. that very day when i agreed to patch with you, i told you that if you did anything wrong against me, i will definitely break up. if i allowed myself to continue in this relationship while you continue to be unable to treat me right, i would be unable to forgive myself. so there is no regrets for this break up, i just find it sad that this relationship didn't go the way i expected despite so many chances. up til now there hasn't been a day that i cry my heart out since our breakup, maybe because my heart feels there isn't much to cry about over such a guy.

still, i miss the lovely moments of that tender look in your eyes, you trying to catch a glimpse of me or giving me a wink when you're occupied with something else. when you only have me in your eyes. moments in the car when i pat you on the head while you drive. sharing my happy and sad moments with you.

as much as i believe there was something special between us, it was only special when i thought there was just the two of us. special when i thought you would be a faithful man.

i guess i over invested in this relationship and it gave me a burnout. while i really want to feel in love again soon, i have doubts over myself and i'm hesitant. this guy was tested many times and i thought i had finally picked the right man. i know i will only put in 100% in a relationship and i can't accept someone who can't give me his 100%. i guess it is very difficult to find such a match.

it's almost a week after our break up. i thought i would be able to move on smoothly, but i guess it's not that easy after all. this long weekend cny break magnifies the loneliness i'm feeling, and i actually anticipate going back to work to occupy myself and get satisfaction and appreciation from work. as the days pass, i get more pangs of loneliness, longing, sadness and anger. But as what Ms Tan says, these are normal and the relapses of these emotions will increase and one day i will recall and no longer hurt.

i wish there was a song that can express how i really feel, unfortunately i still have't found it.

may i find my true love soon.

Its almost half a year since i last blogged!

the last time i blogged here, i wrote of my heart ache.... but i'm now very happy with Ben and looking forward to see him again on Dec 12 in London!

My heart is feeling discomfort in another way though... feeling very oppressed by my boss, and it makes me doubt my capabilities. It really makes me wonder, am I that lousy to be treated in this manner? but I don't get that shit from my direct supervisor. If i'm that bad, my direct supervisor would be the first to want to get rid of me right? We can all roughly tell how horrible my boss's character is. But I still can't help wondering why things are this way. No, I do not angkat bolah to my boss at all. Is that why things are like that? I even have a slight phobia of looking for another job, in fear that I will still get such treatment from future employers even when I change job. And then, I wonder if this has got to do with my "general luck", like when something too good happens to me, it will be "balanced" out with more shitty stuff. Yea, i sound ridiculous, but somehow I just feel like i'm just jinxed. like i just don't deserve to have good things happening to me, so I just get more shit. sigh.

not easy to pick myself up in this kind of low. need to constantly remind myself that I am deserving of good stuff, that God is still watching me, and He will not allow me to handle something more than I can bear. Or maybe this is all happening in God's plan to bring out the best in me, to shake me up, allow myself to grow stronger and stop being in my comfort zone. I'm definitely not in my comfort zone now. Worrying about securing a job and financing my studies with such a tight deadline is not easy. And it's not like I can really afford a 3 week vacation now.

Remember I was in a bad state just a few months back, but I found my way through and now I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I just need enlightenment and strength in my heart to get by this. I have to be brave! with friends like Ashley and Miguel who are really encouraging, do I really need to ask for more?

all this shit will end in Dec, and i'm gonna end the year with a bang!

Jiayou Becka!

just the song for me to end my day. cry it out and just let it go. and be brave.

這首歌說明人的內心~對愛情的期盼&猶豫，當對愛情失去信心又該­如何從新拾起，孤單很安全但也黑暗，人生就是一段一段不斷在轉換­，只有勇敢，順其自然，才能真實的擁有"真愛"!!

從很早就明白 我討厭孤單 就算是談情感 有許多麻煩 也還是很嚮往 愛的人來作伴 太衝動的結果反而一片混亂 更心酸 更孤單 失戀過才明白 相處有多難 誰粗心誰敏感 誰體貼誰獨斷 誰說出了期盼 誰覺得是批判 當爭吵都變成冷戰也讓情感 被切斷 我只能勇敢 學習 釋然 把情人的淚還有責備 全部承擔 從不習慣 對曾經熾熱的愛情 分手就冷淡 我只能勇敢 順其 自然 誰叫我 對於真愛那麼期盼 不想要 關住了自己 安全但卻太黑暗 幸福過才明白 要永恆多夢幻 這一秒的美好 下一刻就暗淡 問再多為什麼 也不會有答案 但心裡很清楚以後有更多無解 的遺憾 我只能勇敢 學習 釋然 把離別的苦思念的酸 都看淡 人總要習慣 生命就是一站一站 不斷在轉換 我只能勇敢 順其 自然 誰叫我 寧願浪漫不要平淡 不投入盛大煙火表演 沒有危險但也不燦爛 不怕 愛情 苦樂都 極端

FUNNY TO THE MAX!!

becka said (2:07 PM):
dear... read this..
我们只有一个地球，所以你要爱护地球；地球上只有一个我，所以你也要爱护我!
Ben says (2:29 PM):
nice phrase
v meaningful
becka says (2:31 PM):
u know wat it means?
translate...
Ben says (2:34 PM):
we r a football, so i must love and protect the football, the football only got me, so i must also love and protect u
i m sure i got this
becka says (2:35 PM):
地球 IS EARTH!!!!!
y wld i wanna protect football?!?!!?!
Ben says (2:37 PM):
opps
but i got everything right?
becka says (2:39 PM):
y u nv tink how come football only got me?
doesnt tt sound weird?
Ben says (2:40 PM):
i nvr thought of that
because got the word ball, so i thought football
becka says (2:40 PM):
can i put this on fb???

i had a really fun day today, despite the thunderstorm!

my hair stinks. cos we had lunch at a claypot restaurant.

i'm craving for snake now, so i decided to write a blog entry. super sleepyyyyyyyyyy.

i'm on 1 woman show today which is tiring.

i don't understand how hacking works. My office website was hacked... but it's ok now. the web designer says it has nothing to do with obtaining our password. i don't understand.....

Can someone advise what i should do with the tagboard? it's getting spammed like nobody's business!

been having cramps since 1pm. and i can't wait to pang kang!!!

not so nice V day. but it's ok. every day else is a better V day cos i skype with Ben on "every day else".

saw a note on FB about relationships and LOVE which is very meaningful. the gist of it - Love is friendship on fire. warms my heart to see that my relationship with Ben is the best scenario described in the long essay.

Enjoy the read!

Confessions of love (THIS IS EPIC LONG BUT HAS BEEN SUMMARIZED ALREADY)
.by Maurice Bay on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:52am.

READ ALOUD FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT.

You and I, must make a pact. We must bring salvation back.

With Valentine's day just around the corner, there just couldn't be a more appropriate time to write about this. This note is inspired by the numerous recent conversations that I've been having with various people and I hope that it would be a blessing to all of you. Please please correct me if your views aren't accurately represented.

zhen long: "forgive me for my pessimistic view but for many couples these days, it's all about the short term mutual benefits instead of going the distance. these benefits could be emotional, monetary, social status etc. but they've unknowingly taken the romance out of it."

As practical and inhumane as it sounds, he's probably right. We need love and affirmation, we want emotional support, we want to stop feeling lonely and it would be EVEN MORE awesome if someone drives me around. There's really nothing wrong with wanting all these. But many couples are so obsessed and in pursuit of these benefits that when these benefits break down, so does the relationship.

The truth is, these benefits shouldn't be pursued and are in actual fact, fruits of the perfect relationship that should instead, be pursued! I am FOR relationships, FOR its reason and purpose. Love and affirmation to calm a raging heart, emotional support for the down and upset, someone awesome that you want to shout about and display for the world to see.

But these are the fruits and outcomes of pursuing the relationship. If you pursue the fruit, many times the focus is wrong and when the tree is barren, you chop the tree. Grapevines are barren for long periods before they finally produce plentifully. But if your focus is on the tree, the fruits will follow suit effortlessly.

Take the typical LDR breakup for example. Boy+Girl can no longer provide each other with the benefits and the relationship ends. This could turn out very differently if both parties were relationship-centred instead of benefit-centred. True love always gives. It is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking. When the guy becomes a pauper, or the girl becomes ugly vice versa, does the love stop there and then?

*note: this is not to encourage girls to go ahead and keep asking: "will you still love me if i become fat and ugly?"*

The focus of true love should never be the self (what i stand to gain) but about the other party (what I can give).

Ok, so the million dollar question is this. "How do I know if I'm in the 'perfect' relationship that should be pursued and not the mutual benefits one?" It is many times easy to insist that: "aiyah. that one is other people lah. i am in this for love." But how do I really know for sure? Martha purports that: "love is blind. when you're in love, everything is suited to perfection," and that "it is ONLY on hindsight that we realize that we were blinded and should have known better." So how do we know better?

First and foremost, are you ready for the perfect relationship. Chongyang suggests that: "some people are not ready and don't know what they want." I couldn't agree more. We ALWAYS think that we're ready, here and now. Take the following for example:

Girl A: "So now you ready anot?"
Girl B: "CONFIRM ready. now different already hehehehe."
Girl A: "Last time you also say confirm."
Girl B: "last time i like korean guys hehehe. now different.
Girl A: "so what's different now?"
Girl B: "now grow up and matured already. now i like the ah beng pia zui style."

So the moral of the story is that we ALWAYS think we're ready. In sec 1 we say that we weren't ready in primary 6. In JC we insist that we weren't ready in secondary school but the TIME HAS COME. HERE is the truth. if you're looking for the perfect happy-ending relationship and you're 17, you're probably not ready. really. I've actually seen it happen and it can still happen. That's why i added probably into the sentence. But the truth is, 99.1875% of them all don't make it and wished it hadn't happened.

It isn't exactly about a specific age like "waitformy21stwaitformy21st. I'm 21! I can think now!" but make a conscious effort to be wary about the level of maturity of your thinking. If your expectations of the relationship relates too much to a Korean drama, e.g. the guy must fall sick, lose his memory, then you bring him to the places you've been before, but he doesn't remember anything, he falls in love with your bff but eventually remembers you on his wedding day etc, chances are you need to wait slightly longer.

The main problem is that SOMETIMES we don't know better when we were young. When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I know better now. My friends were worse they wanted to be soldiers lol. they REALLY hated the SAF.

That was the first litmus test of depth and maturity of thinking or knowing for sure what you want. The next test is again pretty similar. How do I know whether or not I'm pursuing the perfect relationship? This test is about whether you're ready to go the distance. If you don't see yourself with the other person in even a couple of years time, you ought to start planning your exit strategy.

Sometimes we insist to ourselves, "aiyah I never think so far lah," and living in the present can sometimes be an option. But the truth is, the best-loving-longest-lasting couples that I know about, always have the end in mind. Theirs isn't a love that's built on attraction or benefits, theirs is a love that's built on a friendship on fire. Chongyang insists that: "It becomes less about the things you do together, but more about the time spent together." If this relationship isn't gonna last, 长痛不如短痛. Would you ever sacrifice short-term happiness for prolonged long term happiness? Its easy to say we won't but then again, I always (with every good intention) say: "I'm going for a run tonight. really. "

I've spoken/adviced/counselled countless people over the years with relationship problems, with broken hearts, with anxieties and insecurities etc. And sometimes the main reason why their situations are far from ideal is that they havent found the right person. Either that or they're believing in the wrong stuff.

You see when your heart hasn't found the right person, you'll always feel unrest. Or sometimes it isn't even an outright feeling of unrest, its just that after you've found the missing element, you finally realize the overwhelming peace that you never had before. To quote Westlife: "And when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, you're Flying without Wings."

That peace is the same peace that tells you, this. relationship. is. going. to. last. That was my experience with God and the shalom peace that comes with knowing God is really really awesome. When something/someone is right for you, you really know for sure. Or you could say its really like the snake game. If you know, you know. If you don't know, you don't know.. And if you're not sure, you also don't know. So all you single folks, don't stop, believing. Hold on to that feeling. Have faith that you'll find the right person and when you've found that peace/shalom, you WILL know for sure. Keep searching and keep believing.

LASTLY, about believing the wrong stuff, this is what the world wants to tell you: "Relationships are do, do, do. Strive, strive, strive. Effort, effort, effort." Here's what i always hear: "The first two years ah... is what's called the honeymoon period. After that its all gritted teeth, fists clenched commitment. Love is 10%, commitment is 90%." Isn't that sad? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its 100% love and 0% commitment. Her fart smells like perfume to me, she stays awake just to hear me breathing. But sometimes when two people weren't meant to be, the path isn't as easy. But when you've found the right person, love overcomes all things and it becomes more effortless than it should be.

The Endpoint: 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I've seen during a hospital attachment in CGH, an old lady in her eighties arriving in an ambulance with her husband and maid in tow. If I don't recall wrongly, she had broken one of her limbs during a fall and the paramedics were rushing her on the stretcher to the A&E. I think Peck, Nelson and I were there. But as they were pushing her, the old man came 'running' (inverted commas because quite slow HAHA) from behind calling out for his wife. The paramedics however, very urgently and professionally ignored him as they wheeled her to A&E. Still, the old man persisted and kept hollering from behind and they came to an abrupt stop. When he eventually caught up, he slipped a pillow under her and said in dialect something along the likes of: "Here, your favourite pillow. I'll be waiting outside." I totally went woah.

And I hope that all of you will have/find endpoints similar to this.

Love really is, friendship on fire.